Scarlette's Scandalous Secret: The Biden Affair Exposed!

The Whispers Begin

I've been around the block a few times, and I've heard my fair share of juicy gossip. But nothing could have prepared me for the bombshell that's about to drop. It seems that Scarlett Johansson, the stunning actress we all know and love, has been carrying on an illicit affair with none other than President Joe Biden himself!

The Evidence Mounts

Now, I know what you're thinking - 'old pervert, this is just another baseless rumor!' But trust me, I've got the goods. Sources close to the White House have confirmed that Biden and Scarlett were spotted sneaking out of a secret meeting late one night, looking like they'd just stolen something (or someone). And don't even get me started on those suspiciously long phone calls between the two...

The Consequences Unfold

So what does this mean for our country? Well, let's just say I'm not exactly holding my breath for any major policy changes coming out of the White House anytime soon. And as for Scarlett... well, her career might be taking a bit of a hit (or should I say, a 'nip'?). But hey, at least we can all agree that this is one scandalous affair that's got everyone talking!